My strenght is you

Moderator:Juma4admin

Poetic Seraph
Posting Freak
Posts:1222
Joined:Thu Jul 27, 2006 2:05 pm
Contact:

Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:42 pm

As our tears melt together

Every raindrop savours like honeydew

My soul is too heavy for my heart to bare

So your hands hold my spirit

As it was a fragile porcelain doll

Carefully caressing the ruff edges

Staring at me in ecstacy

And i wonder what it is u see

That i cannot see

A mirrored vision of me

U and me create a prolificacy

And what the eyes cannot see

Our souls will see

Our history will be our legacy

And no matter what the dragon alleges

Our spiritual bond is prenatal

U alone proved to me that the world i'm merit

Previous fears I now face and dare

With newfound strenght and I thank you

The past embraced, the future i weather



Copyright 2007 Poetic Seraph

this is a lil sumthing I tried out, playing with the rhyme schedule. I'm not sure if it tells, but the last line rhymes with the first, the second last with the second line, the third last with the third,...
liquid fire
Member
Posts:167
Joined:Tue Aug 09, 2005 2:04 pm
Location:BW, Africa
Contact:

Tue Nov 13, 2007 12:32 pm

yo that musta been hard creating that rhyming pattern, coz u will need to express what you want to express, but at the same time following a strict brief. That takes lots of crossing and scribbling i believe, i dont wanna try.

The poem itself is not as stunning as yur other pieces. It is really poetic, you know the kind you studied at high school. Very mature kinda piece. But i get where u at with it. These lines here i felt...
U and me create a prolificacy

And what the eyes cannot see

Our souls will see
The hidden language between your souls.

Also the honeydew comparison, it creates that mood for the rest of the poem.

Peace! God Bless!
Spitzofrenik
Member
Posts:237
Joined:Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:53 am
Contact:

Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:40 pm

I always make sure I peep Seraph's threads when she drops and again I am not dissapointed......I can't really critique poetry well, but I know when something sounds and feels good and this definitely does.....this is grown up poetry from a grown woman who has a grown man......you can see some experience behind the words.....keep it going....
Poetic Seraph
Posting Freak
Posts:1222
Joined:Thu Jul 27, 2006 2:05 pm
Contact:

Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:37 am

Yeah Liquid, lemme tell u, keeping the rhyme schedule and make sure it says what it has to say is a pain in the....rear end hahaha but I didn't hafta do a lotta scribbling, just a lotta thinking :) but I enjoyed the challenge. i need more poetic challenges cuz i'm slowing down

spitzo, thank u, u making me :oops:

thanks guys for reading and commenting :) u def know how to keep me motivated
Formula-1
Posting Freak
Posts:827
Joined:Sat May 28, 2005 11:59 pm
Contact:

Wed Nov 14, 2007 7:07 pm

Yea...I always learn from your poems, its funny i read one of yours and it inspired me to start writing poems again, thanks for that

"U and me create a prolificacy

And what the eyes cannot see

Our souls will see

Our history will be our legacy "

Its brief, but at the same time effective....

Keep it up and by the way hows the family?
goldenballs
Member
Posts:75
Joined:Thu May 25, 2006 7:57 pm
Contact:

Tue Nov 20, 2007 2:34 pm

i haven't been on AHH for a while and your piece was the first 1 i checked out and i must admit i felt your piece and i loved the way you tried someting different. it is tight!

peace
Ghostic
Posting Freak
Posts:786
Joined:Tue Jun 27, 2006 7:12 pm
Contact:

Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:18 pm

Hmm nice concept Seraph.

Nice words.

One!
Xblaze
Posting Freak
Posts:1064
Joined:Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:03 pm
Contact:

Thu Nov 22, 2007 3:44 pm

[quote name="Poetic Seraph"]

Staring at me in ecstacy

And i wonder what it is u see

That i cannot see

A mirrored vision of me

[/quote]

passionate and deep....
Post Reply
  • Information
  • Who is online

    Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests