my deepest apology

[intel]

my deepest apology:

and remorse, bleeds across my sweat soaked cheek....

the tainted color is as the sky; corrosive as bleach....

i wish you could forgive me for reasons..truly, I'm not sorry.

**You tell me its ok**...."shh baby..... dont speak."

the silence draws me closer bonded by conscience-;

vindictive- thoughtless- actions like carressing you seem dishonest...

but yet i hold you tighter.... I hold you like i love you....

I hate you....i stole your viginity. Baby, Why cant I give it back........?

[Sike The God]

I'm feeling this!

the last line got me real hard!

Damn intel!

[rhymetodie]

Damn Intel 4 sure.....Brother got skill!!..Tight drop

[ese]

goodness!! :roll:

[N.u.d.i.v.a.]

nice effort dawg.only needs better rhymes in it as uve got pottential.

peace

[trusoul]

[quote name="intel"]my deepest apology:

and remorse, bleeds across my sweat soaked cheek....

the tainted color is as the sky; corrosive as bleach....

i wish you could forgive me for reasons..truly, I'm not sorry.

**You tell me its ok**...."shh baby..... dont speak."

the silence draws me closer bonded by conscience-;

vindictive- thoughtless- actions like carressing you seem dishonest...

but yet i hold you tighter.... I hold you like i love you....

I hate you....i stole your viginity. Baby, Why cant I give it back........?[/quote]

****************************

i don't agree with nudiva^^^, i feel it's gem as it is

it really packs a punch since it's such a short one, you utilised punctuation to the fullest, structured it well.

damn i loved it

keep it up

much love!!

trusoul

[intel]

thanks all......so rarely is it that i get feed back from this section.......... MUCH LOVE allllll negative and positive critism appreciated alike....

one up