my deepest apology

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intel
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Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:55 pm

my deepest apology:

and remorse, bleeds across my sweat soaked cheek....

the tainted color is as the sky; corrosive as bleach....

i wish you could forgive me for reasons..truly, I'm not sorry.

**You tell me its ok**...."shh baby..... dont speak."

the silence draws me closer bonded by conscience-;

vindictive- thoughtless- actions like carressing you seem dishonest...

but yet i hold you tighter.... I hold you like i love you....

I hate you....i stole your viginity. Baby, Why cant I give it back........?
Sike The God
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Sun Aug 14, 2005 5:01 pm

I'm feeling this!

the last line got me real hard!

Damn intel!
rhymetodie
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Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:45 pm

Damn Intel 4 sure.....Brother got skill!!..Tight drop
N.u.d.i.v.a.
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Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:48 pm

nice effort dawg.only needs better rhymes in it as uve got pottential.

peace
trusoul
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Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:12 pm

[quote name="intel"]my deepest apology:

and remorse, bleeds across my sweat soaked cheek....

the tainted color is as the sky; corrosive as bleach....

i wish you could forgive me for reasons..truly, I'm not sorry.

**You tell me its ok**...."shh baby..... dont speak."

the silence draws me closer bonded by conscience-;

vindictive- thoughtless- actions like carressing you seem dishonest...

but yet i hold you tighter.... I hold you like i love you....

I hate you....i stole your viginity. Baby, Why cant I give it back........?[/quote]

****************************

i don't agree with nudiva^^^, i feel it's gem as it is

it really packs a punch since it's such a short one, you utilised punctuation to the fullest, structured it well.

damn i loved it

keep it up

much love!!

trusoul
intel
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Posts:1412
Joined:Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:19 am
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Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:40 am

thanks all......so rarely is it that i get feed back from this section.......... MUCH LOVE allllll negative and positive critism appreciated alike....

one up
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