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Rotten Apple

Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 2:53 pm
by Couzifer
*Inspired by bboy's - I'm Tired*

I'm tired...of rest

the earth above my shoulders...

and this deafening silence!

I'm blind...of seeing in the dark

through the souls of evil priests

and through wombs of pregnant nuns

I'm dumb...of speaking to spirits

of men living dead...

and in tongues of unborn tribes

I'm sick...of a healthy rapist

and suspecting the innocence

of an AIDS orphan!

I'm sad...of happiness

the smile of a million mourners

and the grief of a wedding congregation!

I'm deaf...of this grave's silence

the cries of the unborn

and the fading heartbeat of life!

Rotten Apple

Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:42 pm
by vnorm
hah. Reminds me of a switchfoot line,

'there's nothing left now, nothing left to say'. This piece just communicates. the wording is simple and it actually doesnt take away from Bboy's piece.

Rotten Apple

Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:02 pm
by Poetic Seraph
every stanza has it's own complexity (as to meaning) and it's contradictions. Every stanza in itself makes u think hard and long. then the whole poem put together, that's just food for thought for real!!

Rotten Apple

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:44 am
by Couzifer
[quote name="Poetic Seraph"]every stanza has it's own complexity (as to meaning) and it's contradictions. Every stanza in itself makes u think hard and long. then the whole poem put together, that's just food for thought for real!![/quote]Thats life Seraph, its all messed up, what you see is not always what you think it is!...thanks for the feedback.

Thanks vnorm for your comment.

Rotten Apple

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 8:16 pm
by israel
Couz! I so so feeling this piece, the contradictions, the thot "full" truths, the skill and... Man, I'm jus' speechless so... I'ma jus' shut up n speak in the language of the dumb. Niceeeeee!

Rotten Apple

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:01 pm
by eizzy.k
I got one word:...Oxymoronic!!

:)

Rotten Apple

Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:43 am
by Ghostic
[quote name="Couzifer"]

the smile of a million mourners

and the grief of a wedding congregation!

[/quote]

This bar is interesting...if you interchange the words in bold,the bar will still be interesting.

I love the structure of this drop,every stanza has it's own complexity like Seraph noted and I like the gap

you gave between stanzas to enable readers ponder on a stanza before they move to the next.

I think this is a great piece.I loved it!

Rotten Apple

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 5:59 am
by Smokahontas
this wasz absolutely a great read....now i have to go read b boys drop.....this was nice.....cool flow to it and very complex..........dope drop :twisted:

Rotten Apple

Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 2:58 pm
by nevilbee
[quote name="Couzifer"]I'm sad...of happiness

the smile of a million mourners

and the grief of a wedding congregation![/quote]

i'm with Ghostic on this one.

and yeah, life is indeeed messed up.

oh i'm also with you too Smokaontas. gotta read b.boy's drop

Rotten Apple

Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:27 pm
by iam
couz.mayne this was a good piece