Down the Drain

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eizzy.k
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Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:41 pm

I turn the shower on

And let the water drip, slip, down into the drain

Washing away the day’s remains.

Limp limbs hanging heavy

Shoulders slumped surrendering to my. . .

Mind, slipping;

Can’t hold onto my thoughts

Like water through fingers, dripping

My concentration is dwindling

Like the limited light of a lone candle

In the vast darkness of the night;

It’s futile.

So I close my eyes,

Feel the water cascade down my face

In little streams like tears,

Dropping

From the heavens

moistening the dry earth, I am

Refreshed.

I release a sigh,

That comes out a cry

And sounds hollow

And dry

Like the echo of a once supple well.

I used to be well, but now

I’m not feeling that well…

So I let the water run away

With my current state of disarray,

Washing my body,

Cleansing my soul,

As I am physically mentally emotionally

Drained…

:(
Ghostic
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Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:25 pm

I love this piece...nice struture.Each line connects and makes you go back to the previous line to get more meaning...at the end you realize you've read the whole drop like 5times.Addictive words.

[quote name="eizzy.k"]

Can’t hold onto my thoughts

Like water through fingers, dripping

[/quote]

Love this one.

Keep inking...pls do!
Sisa
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Thu Dec 11, 2008 11:10 am

I turn the shower on

And let the water drip, slip, down into the drain

Washing away the day’s remains.
As you guys already know by now, i am all about the opening, because it literally sets the tone and standard for the entire poem, and this one did it with some simple yet heavy imagery. Too slick man
So I close my eyes,

Feel the water cascade down my face

In little streams like tears
Imagery is definitely your strong point my good sir
So I let the water run away

With my current state of disarray,

Washing my body,

Cleansing my soul,

As I am physically mentally emotionally

Drained…
Your first stanza opened an imagery laden discription of the symbolism behind the ritual of a shwower at the end of a tough day, for you to end the poem with the same imagery and emotion is just toooo slick, i like this poem man.

Now that i think of it, maybe i should make it rain on a girl, you know to drain her of her inhabitions and doubts...
Couzifer
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Thu Dec 11, 2008 1:48 pm

[quote name="eizzy.k"]Can’t hold onto my thoughts

Like water through fingers, dripping

My concentration is dwindling

Like the limited light of a lone candle

In the vast darkness of the night;

It’s futile.[/quote]My fav' lines -- nice imagery, nice piece.
eizzy.k
Senior Member
Posts:330
Joined:Fri May 09, 2008 11:26 am
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Thu Dec 11, 2008 3:19 pm

[quote name="Sisa"]

Imagery is definitely your strong point my good sir

[/quote]

Datz a Miss Eizzy.K thank u!!!
BLUD
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Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:59 pm

nice piece man. constructive, and elevating.
Sisa
Junior Member
Posts:31
Joined:Fri Dec 05, 2008 12:07 pm
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Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:54 am

Datz a Miss Eizzy.K thank u!!!
oh, sorry mmmkay

Well....is there a Mr Eizzy.K?
oxytim
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Mon Dec 15, 2008 9:26 am

i thot i wud read a poem of urs and dont like it, i guess that aint gonna happen any time soon. i like the concept of takin a shower. it aint only physically cleansing, its that and more. grt piece
Poetic Seraph
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Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:57 pm

Eizzy u find inspiration in anything, huh? I loved the opening slines, set a nice image. I just thought that at the end, even though it's verbally a very well written poem, it got kinda weaker. a bit more cliché. kinda like u got tired of the poem before u finished it, or u lost that intense sparkle of inspiration and kinda forced urself to finish it

but still a very nice poem. i dont think u'll ever let us down, cuz everything u post is hot!
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