spoken word....... tired.

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Topic review
[quote="unheard voice" post_id=92743 time=1213293028 user_id=4233] [color=#4040FF][i]I really like this piece. I mean its awesome!![/i][/size][/color] [/quote]
   

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Expand viewTopic review:spoken word....... tired.

spoken word....... tired.

by AddictiveSoul »Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:04 pm

Oh hectic...

Intense pieces, I especially loved the last 3 stanzas in your "love is..." entry.

In a painful and cynical way, this reminds me of

"love is work made visible"

Dunno how, but that quote ties (into) both your pieces.

spoken word....... tired.

by Poetic Seraph »Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:59 pm

this is pure knowledge. I'm still letting it sink in, and I'm kinda glad that I only got to this post after the second half was up, cuz i'd be a nervous wreck waiting for it... ok maybe that's a bit exagerated :lol: but u know what I mean.

I wanna comment on it line after line, but I'll probably end up with a comment that is 2 pages long (am in a very talkative mood) so lemme just say this: AMAZING!

spoken word....... tired.

by unheard voice »Thu Jun 12, 2008 7:50 pm

I really like this piece. I mean its awesome!![/size]

spoken word....... tired.

by Couzifer »Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:19 am

This is pure wisdom, and I love poets like you because they never mean wit' their wisdom, always willin' to share it, those two pieces are really educative, pointin' out real life situations in angles that lots of people refuse to see, especially the second piece about love; the closing said it all;
.....love is your first born, ex, pets,

dead best friends.... a gambler to bets.

a date with a gentleman....a stuntman's adrenaline...

a fat kid waking up to cupcakes and cinnamon.

spoken word....... tired.

by intel »Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:25 am

Thanks! i actually missed alot of the typos but i appreciate the feeed.





part two:

Whats love.........

a walk in the park? sex on the beach?

wedding vows or a six carrot ring?.........

mommas home cooking? or the song that you sing

when youre a hot shower after yall did your thing?

the lies that you tell cause he cant take the truth?

or the heart warming feeling cause you know she wouldnt do,

what you did while buzzed , in the club, when a loose

drunk girl stumbed into your arms calling you cute....?

Love is a rose 3 pedals past dead

from your first love ex who was shot in the head

while serving his country and making no money...

and whats eating you inside is you mess wit his buddy....

.....love isnt taught from experienced or learned;

its given by god but governed with the terms,

that dont play with fire cause the fire might burn.....

yet we still chase the fires to the end of the earth

Dying to feel so we're cutting on our veins:

love is the feeling that we get from the pain,

the response from the blood so we cut it again...

and again... and again... till the guilt pours away...

....love isnt sleeping for days at a time

because a chain of events replays in your mind.

and she used to be sweet, but now you believe

shes out on the town running around trying to cheat.



.....love is your first born, ex, pets,

dead best friends.... a gambler to bets.

a date with a gentleman....a stuntman's adrenaline...

a fat kid waking up to cupcakes and cinnamon.

spoken word....... tired.

by unheard voice »Thu Jun 12, 2008 5:03 am

This poem has an effect on me and I'm being straight and honest

with you when I say I can't wait to read the second half. It's

hard to say that I know that stuff like this is really going on.

It's even harder to say that I witness it, I'm apart of

it, and I see it everyday.
[/size]

spoken word....... tired.

by intel »Thu Jun 12, 2008 3:12 am

Im tired................tired aint your eyes getting heavy

or your vision getting blurred when youre pushing on the chevy

and you missed your last turn , so so yours eyes start to burn,

and you cant see straight so your tires start to swerve.....

no...

tired is the taste of blood and sweat on your face

and your arms getting heavy, while hes gripping on your waist

and he pays your moms rent sos you cant gall it rape

till three months later your pregnant waith aids.....

no....

tired is the son you never wanted to have,

and he comes out delayed so theyre calling him a fag

but he really is a genius and theyre treating him so bad

that he shoots up the entire sixth grade class....

no.........

tired is the girl that the boy used to date

that was in the same class when he shot off his face...

now hes all that she had so she cant take the pain

so shes smoking too much and cutting on her veins.....

Tired is the nurse whos working to jobs

or the husband at home whos bitching like a dog.

and hes beating up his daughter cause hes runing outta beer

and getting so stressed that shes pulling on her hair

- now shes gonna miss prom- and she doesnt know whats wrong-

cause the SATS are coming and she thinks shes gonna bomb-

so she'll try to stand tall- and run from her moms-

with no where to go and her back to the wall...

shell prolly lose it all , when plans start to fall

and she falls for a guy who treats her like a whore...

no.. tired living honest and workin two jobs

and still coming home to shells on your lawn..

while the crime rates exploding

and the cops keep patrolling...

pulling you over because asking you if your cars stolen.....





thats the first half.

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